warhammer40kfanonfandomcom-20200216-history
The Adder Report
The Adder Report is a Inquisition document on the Space Marine Chapter Black Adders. It is famous because it was the last such report on the chapter before their decimation at the Destruction of Somme. * Report Start * Report Author: Jacob Flux * Report Subject: Space Marine Chapter “Black Adders” * Report Location: Feudal World Consett, Durham Sector, Ultima Segmentum * Report Time: A3.390.576.M38 We exited the warp in The Late Shadow above Consett at 800 hours local time, then proceeded to the surface in a Valkyrie. We landed in the Alnwick Castle hanger, and were greeted by the Chapter Master Edmund Blackadder, several high ranking battle-brothers, and what appeared to be numerous demons of Nurgle, but we were assured they were in-fact a chapter serfs. We were then given a tour of the fortress-monastery. Gold was abundant, on walls, ceilings, etc. There was also a wide range of art on display, both on and off planet sourced. I also believe I saw several paintings that were reported stolen a few decades back, but I did not comment. Aside from the usual rooms, such as a very clean armoury, there were numerous great halls, some of which were being used to host events with non-astartes attendance. When asked, the chapter master described the events as “family matters.” Again, no comment was made. (Other aspects of the fortress-monastery included in second part of report.) Finally, we were shown the chapter master’s quarters. While my retinue remained outside, I sat down with the chapter master to interview him more closely. (Transcript) Inquisitor: So, chapter master - Edmund: Please, call me Edmund. We try to keep things around here… informal. Inquisitor: Very well. One of the main questions the Inquisition has for you is why your chapter seems so reluctant to take part in combat. Edmund: I am sorry to say Jacob, but you are mistaken. We’ve fought in numerous campaigns - Northumb, Jericos, Gerahan, just to name a few. Inquisitor: True, and your track record is amazing. However, a theme in your campaigns is that the enemy is always attacked by another force - before your chapter ever engages them. Edmund: I take the view, that it is better for the enemies of mankind to fight amongst themselves, then for us to fight them. Inquisitor: Really? What about the Blood Ravens then? Edmund: Ah… I’m sorry, that doesn't ring a bell… Blood Ravens, Blood Ravens… (suspected lying) Inquisitor: A fellow chapter? During the Gerahan campaign, you told them the attacking Chaos forces had a relic of their chapters past, held in their command structure. Edmund: Oh, I remember now. Yes, the Blood Ravens fought wonderfully to reach the heretic's command point. Shame the relic was gone by then… Inquisitor: The Blood Ravens Company Master Ludwig believed there was no such relic there. I may also point out, in the attempt the company was severely depleted, and the survivors swore vengeance on your chapter. There are even reports they joined chaos soon after. Edmund: What a terrible shame. (suspected sarcasm) Inquisitor: Moving on. Tell me about the organisation of your chapter. Edmund: We are a Codex Astartes compliant chapter, but because of lack of willing applicants, we only have four companies. We tend to travel as a singular force, but each company has their own… unique mindsets. Inquisitor: Really? I have a previous report.... here. First Company, captained by you - Edmund: I trust no other to lead my finest warriors. Inquisitor: - are described as “slow-witted, cowardly, and rarely seen fighting.” Edmund: Ah, well, you see - Inquisitor: “Although they are proficient in combat, but only when fighting their way out.” Edmund: Was this by Inquisitor Valahan? I’ll get them back for this… Joking, of course. (suspected lying) Inquisitor: Right. “The Second Company sucks up to the chapter enough to cause a vacuum-” Edmund: Captain Percy Percy is very keen to please. Inquisitor: “ - While Third are amongst the most cynical men I’ve met, apart from the captain who is an airhead.” Really, an airhead? Edmund: I have the strongest belief that is not true. We had George tested, it’s there. It's just very, very small. Inquisitor: “Finally, Fourth Company manages time and time again to avoid being deployed to the front, while their captain believes walking slowly towards the enemy is a winning formula.” I’m sorry, how can someone like that be a Company Captain? Edmund: It’s his moustache. Melchett has the most wonderful facial hair, it takes his Baldrick Darling two hours to comb it all. Inquisitor: You mentioned Baldrick there, that is a special rank of chapter serf correct? Edmund: Yes, it’s a personal servant, that tends to all a battle-brother’s needs. The name comes from an old family of servants, in fact my Baldrick is from the family. Inquisitor: So he is called… Baldrick Baldrick? Edmund: Generally I just call him Baldrick. I’ll just call him in, Baldrick! (One of the aforementioned nurgle demon lookalike entrees.) Baldrick: Yes my lord? Edmund: Nothing, just stand there. Inquisitor: One of your chapter relics has the name Baldrick, correct? Edmund: Yes, The Putrid Y-Fronts of Baldrick. It’s a chemical weapon, currently stored on our moon, in a sealed ceramite vault, guarded by our only dreadnought, encased inside a scented candle. You can smell it at full moon, and we only deploy it in most dire need. Inquisitor: I believe that is it Edmund. Where will your chapter be heading next? Edmund: The Paradise planet Somme. Threat prevention, I’m sure you understand. After departing the Chapter Master’s company, we returned to The Late Shadow, and entered the warp to leave the system. *Report End Category:Dragonofelder Category:Humor Category:Stories